Back to Life by Kristin Billerbeck

Author:Kristin Billerbeck [Billerbeck, Kristin]
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
ISBN: 9780061982361
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2011-11-02T01:23:35+00:00

Chapter 13

Jane

Even Kuku is looking at me with scorn, pacing around my feet. “I know. I shouldn’t have said anything. Even if she is after Ronnie for his money. I raised him smarter than that, didn’t I?”

Kuku meows.

“You’re turning on me, too? Listen, just because she’s pretty and doesn’t throw you off her bed, don’t get any ideas. What am I talking to you for? You’re male, and you all react the same way to a gorgeous blonde.”

I fold my cotton pants. They’re the wrinkled style that travels well, and I get frustrated with folding so I twist them into a ball and drop them in the suitcase, throwing a wadded-up Guatemalan T-shirt on top of them. Everything else, I yank off hangers and out of drawers and pile into the bag. I did my best. I made it nearly two months and considering the circumstances, that’s about seven weeks longer than I thought I’d last.

Inside the bathroom, I scrape everything off the counter in one fell-swoop, my arm like an elephant’s trunk swathing a new path in the jungle. Only in this case, it reveals a fresh, clutter-free countertop. Just as pristine as the day I found it, with only the brightly-colored, fish-shaped soaps and tropical blue hand towels, in a clam-shaped dish. I straighten the coordinating bath towels and stand back to admire my work.

Every trace of me is gone, except I put the Retin A back where Lindsay so graciously left it for me. Yes, I’m old. I know this without her subtle hint of medical products left on the bathroom vanity. Unlike Lindsay, I have more important things to worry about. I leave the prescription tube on the counter, convinced she’ll need it more than me, regardless. Her looks are still a commodity; mine are long-gone, and they never did me any favors, anyway.

“Why do I say things I don’t mean?” I ask the mirror, as I think about what I told Davis. “I feel terrible afterward, and then I can’t even apologize.”

It’s a terrible character flaw, probably right up there with talking to oneself. One of these days, Davis isn’t going to be waiting when I get home. My lower lip trembles when I think of an empty house, and I still it with my finger. I flatten my palms against my cheeks, pulling back the extra skin. I’m in there somewhere, my fresh, girlish self, whose eyes are bright and full of life. I came here, angry at Ron, sure, but Ron was only a symptom of when I didn’t have control over my life. Now I have so much control that no one but Davis seems to want to be around me—and I think he’s just been a glutton for punishment. I thought I could show Lindsay the right path. Now that she’s on her own, and I’ve completely bungled it. She just thinks I’m a crazy, old lady who belongs with the rest of her neighbors.

Most of my life is over now.

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